All is Fair in Love and War
by milkandwood
Summary: Kurt is lusting over his secret lover. Will he ever get to tell that person how he feels or loose him forever? 2nd chappy up! **SLASH M/M** R/R for more chappys to be posted
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I do not own a damn thing!

A/N: I know the first chappy is short but I got to get into bed. So, I figured this would be a good stopping point. If you like it so far then please REVIEW. If I get reviews I will put up more but if I don't receive any then I will not finish it.

All Is Far In Love and War 

I remember the way I felt the day he returned to SmackDown. I watched him stroll up the hall like he was the greatest thing around and no one could touch him. I love his new cocky attitude and the new look. He saw me sitting and staring and smiled in my direction showing his beautiful smile and saying simply, "Kurt" and nodding his head. I wanted to die. He had actually talked to me and acknowledged my presence. I knew it wasn't much but it was a lot better than the days when The Great One could care less about me outside the ring.

I have lusted for Dwayne, The Rock, Johnson for so long now it had almost become a past time for me. Even when he was in Hollywood filming his movies I was still right on top of him. I knew where he was or what he was doing. I knew where I could find him in case I got brave but that never happened. I have always been so scared of losing and of being alone. To not have someone else there with me to support me and be there for me. It seemed as the only really thing that I even loved or cared of could care less about me. Then that smile and I thought things were changing for the better until Stephanie told me the news.

"Kurt, look I know you aren't going to like this idea very much but Dwayne wants to go to Raw."

"What, Why?" I ask as my heart shatters into a million pieces.

"He said he has worked for Smack Down long enough and he thinks he needs to share his character. He's only doing what Austin said the fans would like."

Then it hit and I knew. It was Steve. He was leaving to be with Steve. I had forgotten all about it. Dwayne was doing whatever he could to be close to Austin. Dwayne wanted Austin to notice him as bad as I wanted Dwayne to notice me. I could feel my stomach start to twist and a lump well up in my throat. I knew that if something wasn't done or I didn't tell Dwayne how I felt about him I was going to loose him forever.

"Kurt, are you OK?" I hear Stephanie say outside my thoughts.

"I just need to sit down, Steph."

"Kurt, look you can't let this bother you. Besides, no one even knows how you feel about him but me. Not even Dwayne knows so you can't go acting upset about it."

"I know it, Steph. It's not that big of a deal but…

Then I hear his voice outside the door asking for Stephanie. Stephanie shots me a glance to see if its ok and I nod slowly telling her to open the door. She opens the door and Dwayne walks in. His smell intoxicated the whole room and his brown eyes hypnotized me instantly. He was in his wrestling trunks and had sweat rolling off his back. I hear him speak to Stephanie not even noticing I am here. It's almost like a rock crushing away and my heart. Then he turns to leave.

"Hey, Kurt! Sorry The Rock didn't see you sitting there."

"Hey D." I manage to get out.

He smiles and walks out the door. He is always so pumped after wining his matches. He sometimes stays in character until the next morning. It's just something he does. Tonight was the last night I would see him walking the halls. Vince and him had just screwed Hogan and he was off to stake his claim on Raw and off to stake his claim with Austin.


	2. Part 2

Dwayne always gets what he wants. That's all there is to it. I know if he wants Steve bad enough he will get it. 

I walk out of Stephanie's office and look down the hall. I just want to see him talking to his friends off in the distance one more time. I am going to miss secretly lusting after him and wanting him. I would always pump myself up for a match thinking he is watching. Knowing that him and a few of the other guys are crowded around the small TV watching and critiquing. My matches were the only time I felt he paid attention to me.

The times we were rivals was unlike anything else. I could be in the ring with him, close to him. I never let my personal life get in the way but when we were in that ring together I was the happiest person in the company. I would always pray that maybe one night I would touch him one way and it would spark a light in his eye. Now I will never have that chance again. He will start his feud with Steve and never think of me again.

All the thoughts were making me sick. My mind was wandering off in its own little world. I had to get him and get some rest. Maybe if I close my eyes and think hard enough it will all go away? Just for those hours of sleep I can dream of the way it use to be. I can dream of him on the SmackDown roster and close to me. My dreams are all I have left. I have to cling on them for dear life because if I don't, I may end up going crazy.

I sit on the couch and the house and just stare. I just saw him walk down to the ring and declare to the world that he was a heel. He still entertained me and got my heart pumping like no other can, even when he mentioned Austin. My heart never hurt one time at those words off of his lips because I knew it was just a part of the show. I knew that had nothing to do with their feelings. The thoughts that started killing me and hurting me on the inside was behind the ring, in the locker room. Were they already talking? Had Dwayne already made his move? My mind begins to come lost in its Dwayne world again. Questions and answers swirling around in my head, making me feel lost. The ring of my cell phone broke my thoughts. Looking at the caller ID my stomach sinks at the name listed.

"Hello?"

"Hey Kurt, it's Steve. How have things been?"

"Pretty good, man. What's up?" I say trying to hold back the anger in my voice.

"Just thought I would call and say hi. Did you watch the show?"

"Yes I did. It was actually good for once."

I hear him laugh slightly on the other end of the phone.

"Yeah, I know. I can't believe the garbage they have been showing on there…

He continues talking, going off on random thoughts about the company. Why is he calling me? He is just trying to make small talk with me. Does he know? Does he want to call and rub it in my face that he has Dwayne?

"Kurt, you there?"

"Yeah, Steve sorry. I was looking at something."

"I was asking what you thought of Dwayne's new character."

"It's great. He's still so entertaining." Why did he care what I thought? 

"Yeah that's what I thought. No matter how the fans feel he can still make them laugh and still make them cheer. Then he would turn right back around and make them boo."

I didn't know what to say. Why did Austin care? Could I just come out and ask him that? Was he already seeing Dwayne? Damn the thoughts were killing me.

"Well I guess I will talk to you later, Kurt."

"OK, bye." And I hung up.

I sit back down and my mind starts swirling. I have to put an end to this. I have to tell Dwayne how I feel once and for all. I run out to the car unaware of what I am doing or what I am going to say when I get there. Its like I am just acting on action and not even think about the consequences. My car speeds down the road as fast as it can. I have to show up and tell him how I feel. Once I get there I see what brings me to this story today.

In the parking lot I see them standing together. Dwayne smiles that beautiful smile and then they kissed. I feel my stomach hit my feet at once. They were standing there arm and arm kissing. They were both enjoying the moment. Steve would pull away; smile real big and then would go back to kissing. God why did this have to be happening to me? Why couldn't things just go back the way they were before? Please Dwayne come back to me. Please come back to Smack Down

~~Present Day~~

I feel the room start to spin and my vision become blurred. All these thoughts have to end. I have to stop my mind from running wild. Austin and Dwayne are together now and happily. They flaunt their relationship all over. They don't care who knows or who sees. It makes me want to die on the inside. I can feel my breathing become stronger and more rapid. My heart starts pounding as I stare at the knife on the kitchen counter. I grab it not knowing what is going to happen next. My body starts moving without me even thinking about. The cold blade is sharp and jagged on my smooth skin. The blade rips away at the skin causing the floor to flow deep red. Outside the window lightning flashes and on my wrists I see bloody gashes. Good-bye life, Good-bye time. I call death a good friend of mine.


End file.
